Rendez-Vous with a Psychologist: Is He The One?

There are a lot of questions that people seek the answers to; answers that they may only have a vague grasp of; ones which psychologists and philosophers are perhaps best positioned to try to answer. GEORGIA TODAY met with art-therapist, philosopher-psychologist Merab Oniani to find out about the BIG question women ask themselves this season of new starts: Is He the One?

Some women read specialist literature, some just listen to their intuition; some take steps, while others wait passively. How can we know if he/she is the person we were waiting for?

If you feel passion towards him from the very start, then he is not the right person. If at first sight, certain tunes play a hymn in your ears, he’s not right either. If a man desperately wants to sleep with you, now, then he’s not the right one. If feeling and thought make your heart beat fast and you feel you are losing yourself, ready to deny everything for the sake of him, this is definitely not what you’re looking for. If you want to chase him, and try your best to find out how to win him, this is not Mr Right. But, if you believe that he is loveable enough, though the blood is not seething in your veins, then he is potentially the right person for you.

So, maintain a balance and valuable change is more likely to happen?

If you like him, but you do not take specific pains to see him again; if you are not hot inside out with the fires of passion and do not lose yourself, then this could be him. If you feel that he can be a good and faithful friend, then he could be the one. If you feel a reciprocal sense of affection from him, and that you are soulmates, and you notice that he is taking some steps to win your goodwill, and you are not indifferent to these efforts, then this is a trustworthy sign that he is the one.

Then it is important to have mutual understanding and be soulmates?

Yes. Fall in love with an honest person who you need, and then build normal relations and find the main thing – your own self. The process of obtaining a new man will start from the moment a woman tries her best to reach inner unity. She should find this accomplishment and independence and should not seek for anybody else to fill this emptiness. The emergence of a new man means starting to love him with all his virtues and vices, but this process will only begin after a woman starts to love herself and that means accepting yourself for all your qualities and drawbacks.

What is a relationship?

A love union is a matter of life and holds paramount importance between partners. This linkage implies an equal contribution from both sides, when each member of the couple equally gives out and receives a partner’s love. It means that you love him unconditionally and he feels the same towards you. A normal love affair means first and foremost self-respect, openness and faithfulness to the person who loves you from the bottom of his heart. He loves your openness with him and your unconditional love.

What is love?

Love not only lives in a person’s mind and heart, it is also a part of one’s body. Studies have shown us that it is not only connected with our soul and spirit but also with our body. Scientists have proven the connection between body intimacy and neurological-physiological processes taking place inside the body. Love relations have an influence on the brain and vice versa. We are created so that we tend to share the most precious values with each other. A love relationship is the strongest force, which helps us to develop and grow personally.

Scholars have researched the neurological mediators and human hormones. It turned out that Dopamine and Serotonin stimulate sexual intercourse. Not only they but a lot of substances of our organism go through qualitative and quantitative changes. Scientists discovered in the brain mirror neurons get irritated during copulation, as if they are the observers of the love act. In other words, these neurons provoke the emotions inside us that are very similar to those of our partners’.

There is an opinion that a love of solitude is genetic. It is also scientifically proven that love leads a person to prosperity and good disposition. Such contact with reliable people helps us to oppose unfriendly factors, and rid ourselves of stress. It also stimulates the immune system, whilst solitude weakens the health and accelerates the process of aging. It means that those people who are capable of loving not only act correctly but also live correctly. In spite of our genetic heritage and bio-chemical processes, we are responsible for our own lives, and for the way we love.

Maka Lomadze