The Philosophy of Love & Avoiding Inevitability
INTERVIEW
GEORGIA TODAY once again meets Merab Oniani, psychologist and art-therapist, to talk about the philosophy of love.
How can we describe the philosophy of love in brief?
The right to love is absolute and unconditional. In love, there is a divine will. It comprises a creative act. It is always cosmic, necessary for the harmony of the universe. Therefore, love should not be feared for the pain it can cause.
How can we identify true love?
There is no owner or private property in love.
Is there a big difference between how men love and women love?
There is a deep and tragic irrelevance between these two phenomena. There is misunderstanding and alienation. A woman by nature dedicates herself to one partner. She receives happiness and pain from love equally. Women are often genial in love, having a universal attitude to it, and her hopes are connected with love. However, there is something formidable and as absorbent as an ocean for men about the element of feminine love. Factually, a woman’s requirements to love are so infinite that it is almost impossible for a partner to fulfill them. Therefore, an inescapable tragedy of love arises.
Men searching for beauty to adore and worship. It is difficult for a man to love a woman because he wishes to adulate before beauty. Worshipping is a component of a man’s love. However, a woman is rarely such a beauty that deserves adoration. Therefore, love brings to men disappointment. The irrelevance between the woman’s face and eternal feminine beauty wounds him.
Do you mean a woman’s appearance or beauty as a whole?
The latter. A good-looking woman is very attractive, but this is the first effect. Afterwards, more important are her personal traits, how kind she is, what values she has, etc. An attractive appearance, if not paired with inner beauty, is often compared to the beauty of a poisonous mushroom, which attracts nothing but poison…
So, if a man falls in love at first sight it should be seen as more a stereotype than a reality?
Yes. It is superficial and women should not go along with such ideas. It would mean that men are only concentrated on visual things and not at all on audio effects. Moreover, it would mean that they do not have wits at all! Who said that men love frivolous girls? It is not true.
To go back to our conversation about men, a really mystic sense of love is not worshipping, but the reciprocity towards feminine origin. The sense of eroticism is that it represents creative advance. The sense of love is not in a static life but in dynamic movement. Any victory of the former against the latter would mean death for love, turning it from creation into obedience. In real love, there is creative inspiration. Those who try to change love by obedience do not understand what they are doing, as it means that one is turning freedom into inevitability. There is nothing static about love. It is not about organizing anything.
What happens inside a person when one was in love and lost it?
Everyone who has once loved and lost it will start searching for it again, as love gives self-confidence and makes one more important a person. One cannot have achievements without it. Having lost it, one feels that one has lost one’s own self. One cannot recognize one’s own features, manners, attitudes… Only love can restore a human being, giving richness, harmony, enjoyment. It also helps in work. Love gives wings to those who wish to be able to fly. Love is the foundation of health, calmness of the soul and all that is good.
Maka Lomadze