Do You Know When Your Child is Hiding Something from You? A Guide for Parents

As time passes, children grow and start to distance themselves from their parents. Hiding, lies, deceit and tricks are all too often problems you might face as a parent of a teenager. Do you have a child who frequently comes home late, never answers their phone, is moody and seems to hate you? It’s hard. You feel let down. Your cute, perfect child has now morphed into something different, someone you no longer even recognize.

But how do you know if your child is hiding anything from you? Forcing them into a corner about it might make them aggressive and defensive, so you have to play your cards right. You should be laid-back, unbothered, passive, even. Let them come to you. For a healthy conversation and exchange, they should make the first move and take the initiative, even if that seems like something that might never happen.

These can be desperate times, but you should never lose your composure when it comes to that moment. You should be calm and not stress yourself or your child out by yelling or being in any way aggressive or rough. Your child, no matter how many times they refuse to answer their phone, should be able to trust you and to trust that you are someone they can count on easily, without a thought.

The reflex of hiding is very prominent in teenagers, who often have a sense of unrest and a desperate, sad feeling that if they talk to you about their issues, you are sure to get mad and yell at them, or force them to compromise to such a point that they feel they’ll never be able to see or hear from their friends again. It’s stressful, understandably, for teens who go through this. It breaks your heart to see your child sad, right? This can be a painful process for both you and your child, so you should try to come together and discuss your problems calmly. Yelling, being overly preachy and having endless arguments will intimidate your child and will in all likelihood make them retreat back into their antisocial shells.

Try to be as supportive as possible. Is your child hiding anything from you? Probably. They’re your child, but they’re also a whole different person trying to find their way in the world. But you were their age once, right? You’ve been through the same difficulties and come out the other side a normal, well-balanced adult. So worry less about finding out what your child is hiding and focus more on being there when they are ready to come to you. It’s as simple as that.

Nina Kalandadze, student at the Ecole Francaise du Caucase