How to Find a Girlfriend — Full Guide from Pros

Are you the shy kind of guy who has problems finding a girlfriend? I feel your pain because I was once like you.

I know how it feels to be in the presence of the girl you want, but your tongue becomes tied and you grow stiff with nervousness. I never asked a girl out on a date simply because I do not know how to ask her. I, naturally, am afraid of being rejected. If she says no, I would feel awkward when I see her at school or at work again. If she says yes, I worry about where I could take her. I would not know how to handle conversations. I am afraid the date would become a disaster because I don’t know what to do on a date.

I grew up being insecure. I am not handsome. I am tall and lanky. I did not possess any physical appearance that, in my mind, could attract girls. I never saw myself as boyfriend material. I have heard that there are girls who are attracted to shy guys. They are most probably referring to guys who don’t speak much, but with strong self confidence and not the nervous socially awkward type like I was.

But that was me before. Now I am happily married to a woman who loves me faithfully. Now you may be wondering how she became my girlfriend in the first place? That is the question everyone asks. While providing the answer, I will be sharing some important key pointers that other shy guys like me may learn from.

Where to Find the Right Girl

There is no one place to find a girlfriend. We can meet girls everywhere and in different ways. But if you want to find the right girl, stop thinking about where you can meet any girl. Start asking yourself, where can I meet the right girl who is compatible for me? Compatibility means having the same values, lifestyle and personal energy. Start identifying your own values, lifestyle and personal energy. You have to go to places where you will find compatible girls for you.

While studying in college I was active in college organizations. I joined a fraternity group with the secret hope that I could find a like-minded girl. I joined inter-organization activities and events. And true enough, I met this girl, a member of another organization who was so vibrant, alive and very friendly. We became friends and later on she became my first girlfriend. Most guys meet their girlfriends at school, work or while doing their hobbies. Others meet them through friends. With new technology, some guys meet their girlfriends through online dating. Online dating is becoming very popular among shy guys. If you are interested in online dating read the “review of hitwe.com”.

What Will Make You Attractive to Girls?

Don’t believe when others say “Be Yourself” when meeting girls. On the contrary “Don’t be yourself.” You are shy and if you are being yourself, your shyness will not get you a girlfriend. You need to be different than your usual self. You need to change. If you are insecure, if you feel disappointed with your looks, then improve in this area. Try a little sense of fashion. Often times when we dress up for an event or occasion, we feel that sense of confidence. Try to dress up for daily activities like school or work and you will feel confident. But don’t overdo or you will look weird. I used to wear the standard black pants until I tried wearing jeans. And I liked the way I looked. I felt confident, energetic and happy. Learn how to handle conversations. When I became friends with the girl I mentioned earlier, I tried to observe how she handles conversations. One thing I learned from her is the art of listening. When she listens she makes the other person the focus of her attention. She absorbs everything she hears and in the process, she brings up some points that we are then able to talk about. We never run out of topics and still the focus is on me. It makes me feel important and special when she is interested to know about me. When I turned the table on her, I realized I was learning how to be conversant. When I listened to her, I also made her feel important and special. You need to change yourself and your behaviour. Build confidence, become assertive, outgoing and an interesting person. No girl would like to on a date with a boring guy. You have to overcome your fears and learn some conversation skills. Be comfortable with yourself and in your interaction with others.

How to Attract Girls

I once asked my wife what attracted her to me. And this is what she said: “What endeared you to me is the way you confidently made me feel secure. I know I could trust you with my life” My wife had had two boyfriends before me. They were both handsome and with a great physical build. But her relationships with them were short-lived because she was looking for more than physical appearance. She was looking for someone with confidence and with whom she could trust. So the good news is, girls are not attracted to guys merely for their looks. They are attracted more to the inner qualities of a guy. Work on your inner qualities. Understand you inner value. Work on your confidence. The secret to feeling confident is to feel good about yourself. Start improving your looks, your communication skills and your behaviour. This will naturally shine out and girls will notice and be attracted.

Communicate Effectively with a Girl

This is probably what pains you the most. And I understand the feeling. Communicating is different from talking. When you communicate you are making a connection with the other person. When I was dating my girlfriend for the first time, I did not know what to say to her. My focus was in the wrong place. When we started to talk, she was so relaxed and comfortable. These feelings rubbed off on me, and I started to loosen up, forgetting my nervousness. I felt confident. I can remember that we were talking about our organizations, a topic that was of mutual importance to us both. I spoke with confidence and authority. I could even look her straight in the eye.

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When you communicate, the attitude underneath the words coming out of your mouth is far more important than the words themselves. When you maintain strong eye contact with her, you are communicating that you are a dominant man and she can trust you. When you speak clearly and with a resonant voice, you are communicating authority and that you yourself value what comes out of your mouth. When you feel cool, relaxed and comfortable, the girl will also feel relaxed and comfortable.

You don’t have to be the perfect guy. All you need are some improvements in the right direction.

Touch, a Love Language

If you want to move your friendship into something more, touch is very important. However, in some cultures, girls are offended when you touch them and you are not her boyfriend.

There are many ways of touching that is not offensive but shows signs of respect, such as:

 • When you guide the girl towards the car or up the stairs, you can always hold her hand or touch her lower back lightly.

• Once you have seated her, slightly touch her shoulders.

 • Always try to sit beside her instead of across her. It makes the setting less formal and your shoulders and arms are very near each other. You can easily touch her subtly. Touching her subtly can always help you find out if she is interested in you. You will know if she is interested or not, before asking her to go on a date with you.

And by the way, the sorority girl I was talking about is my wife now for 40 years. That’s why I believe I have some expertise on this subject.