Tamar “the Re-married” & The Compatibility of Georgians & Foreigners

OP-Ed

In a recent conversation with a female Georgian friend, she felt the need to tell me “I don’t think relationships between Georgians and foreigners can work.” Not the most tactful thing to say, you’ll agree, since I myself am married to a Georgian (albeit one who is proud of her portions of Ukrainian heritage), and you might think that my friend was trying to needle. I don’t, personally; I’ve just noticed that if Georgians believe something strongly enough they’ll air their views regardless of their audience, company or common sense: I once saw one try to brazenly argue his bizarre opinion about the Second World War with an Englishman who has a PhD in the subject and has written several books about it. Likewise, an in-law once asked me, a diehard boxing fan, how the heavyweight champions of today would fare against Mike Tyson, before telling me I was wrong, even though he had not heard of any of the names I listed or seen them in action. You get the point.

So, I don’t really believe that my friend was deliberately trying to be unpleasant – at least not in the Western, bitchy way that seems to have become the fabric of society and the backbone of recycled Hollywood romcom dialogue. However, I will concede that there was perhaps just a hint of grim satisfaction in her tone as she looked at me, as if she was looking into my future and seeing divorce, ruin, and the TV being forcibly removed from my house by court order. I might be doing her a great injustice, of course, and may have imagined it, but it is certainly consistent with my debates with Georgians about any topic over the last eight years; the little private grin, the shake of the head, the flat restatement of whatever they believe.

I eventually asked her how she had come to this conclusion, hoping that she didn’t know the full extent of the long trail of romantic havoc I have wreaked during my occupation of this country. I didn’t think she was aware of all the years of outraged mothers, murderous brothers and jealous husbands, but even if she was, her view that foreigners and Georgians are incompatible would still be wrong; if anything, my sordid past sort of proves the opposite, from a certain (jaundiced) point of view.

“I have six friends who had foreign boyfriends,” she said. “It all ended badly. They were bad girls, though, and they had no traditions.”

At this point, you may wonder what she was talking about. If you are new to the country, you may not be aware that in romantic contexts, whenever ‘traditions’ are mentioned, it usually refers to sex – if a girl is traditional, they are perceived to adhere to the Church-supported doctrine of no bedroom gymnastics before wearing a piece of metal on the finger and with a view to increasing the population. Likewise, a non-traditional type is (to the liberal mind) easy-going, anti-Church and not against slapping the mattress, or (to conservatives) a hell-bound whore who will surely burn, but who might make a nice change from the wife. Georgian men, of course, are free to pursue anyone they like, which they do with vigor but indifferent success. What those fellows need is a series of cold baths.

But as you’ll gather, it did start me thinking about what is meant by ‘traditions’, and specifically how they affect the lives of women, not least because there have been a series of reported domestic violence cases over the last few weeks. The growing divide of Georgian society into an increasingly vocal liberal minority and religious/nationalist conservatives is something I’ll address another time, but these much-discussed traditions are connected with history, and I wonder if many people appreciate this, especially with regards to one of its icons (and that word is well chosen, as you’ll see).

Queen Tamar is often talked about by traditionally-minded Georgians, and it is not hard to see why: she might fairly be compared with Catherine the Great, Joan of Arc, Lakshmibai of Jhansi or Elizabeth I. She was also made a saint of the Georgian Orthodox Church, which goes to show that even the Patriarchate is onboard, and who can blame them? She oversaw Georgia’s Golden Age, gave the Turks a kicking and greatly expanded her territory. Damn fine (although with the Western liberal standards of today I’d say it’s only a matter of time before she’s branded a murderer and a warlord; they’re saying similar about Nelson, after all).

But I wonder if they know (or really think about) the fact that Tamar divorced her first husband and remarried? This is still something of a cardinal sin – I have known a number of women to find themselves unlucky enough to land in abusive marriages here, only to be encouraged by their families to stay in them so as not to incur the stain of divorce. It still staggers me that Tamar’s personal life isn’t a shining example of how leaving a miserable relationship and pursuing true love is an absolute must.

It might seem odd, then, the reverence of Tamar the re-marrying queen, an Orthodox saint popular with Georgians who value their history. The only explanation I can suggest is that Georgian traditions are not Georgian in nature at all, and not even as closely connected with Orthodoxy as many might believe; Georgian social culture is still markedly different from other Orthodox countries such as Greece, Serbia or Russia. After the shine of Georgia’s Golden Age had faded, Muslim invasions and occupations came to dominate matters for centuries until Georgia’s incorporation into Imperial Russia, and at the risk of thunderous denunciation, it is from these times that I believe Georgia’s ‘traditions’ originate. Casual sexism is still rife throughout Georgia, and to some visitors it only brings to mind the societies of the Middle East. There is plenty more to write and debate about this, but the word count has crept up on me – if there is enough outrage, I will gladly expand on this another time.

By Tim Ogden

Illustration by Mihály Zichy - Shota Rustaveli presents his poem to Queen Tamar (Vepkhistkaosani)